For 20 Years as a Psychologist, I've Seen Parents Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids Do These 4 Things

When safeguarding your child’s mental well-being, building their emotional resilience is crucial. Not only do resilient kids recover from letdown, yet they are also unlikely to turn into depressed , anxious, or self-critical .

As a psychologist With almost two decades of experience, I've observed that children possessing emotional resilience typically share something significant: parents who excel at managing their own feelings.

By demonstrating to our children that emotions are neither embarrassing nor forbidden, we instruct them that sentiments are not chaotic, unbearable annoyances. Instead, they are enlightening. biological messengers This informs us about our essential needs and guides us through life—much like thirst and hunger do. With this understanding, children can acquire the skills to manage conflicts, disappointments, and stress with increased confidence and insight.

Moments and dads who rear emotionally intelligent, tough-minded children Perform four actions, and the more frequently you practice these abilities, the simpler it becomes to impart them to your children.

1. They acknowledge and respect their feelings.

Resilient parents acknowledge that emotions shouldn't be hidden, brushed aside, or suppressed. They understand that neglecting these feelings just causes them to become more intense.

The relief from unease comes from articulating our feelings individually. Just as we instruct children when they’re little, we can “express ourselves” with words. Begin by whispering or speaking aloud, “At this moment, I am feeling…” then complete the sentence.

DON'T MISS: Ways to Effectively Switch Careers and Enjoy Work More

Naming our emotions Recognizes and affirms our experiences. Once this happens, we can start making moves toward feeling better or speaking up for ourselves. Say we’re seething; setting boundaries could be necessary. If anxiety’s creeping in, perhaps confiding in a pal or strolling outside would offer some relief.

As parents manage their own emotions, children grasp that feelings are an integral aspect of everyday living, equally important for well-being as sleep and physical activity.

2. They have the ability to manage their own feelings.

Have you ever observed that when you watch a horror film, it leaves you feeling scared? This happens because emotions are contagious . Should a fictitious character's apprehension be able to penetrate the screen and affect an grown-up, parents' distress can definitely influence their children. Therefore, they should manage their own emotions to reduce these impacts.

Controlling emotions starts with being aware of your physical sensations. Try this easy breathing technique: Breathe in gradually for five seconds, then breathe out steadily for another five seconds. Continue doing so for about two minutes. This practice is referred to as " coherent breathing ," this relaxing technique helps calm down the body's nervous system , which dulls intense feelings.

Keep in mind that In order to process, digest, and regulate your emotions, you must experience them. However, at times it's wise to allow yourself some time to relax rather than voicing intense emotions when they hit their climax. This ensures your feelings do not overwhelm you, reducing the likelihood of conveying them in harmful manners towards your children.

3. They refrain from categorizing emotions into 'good' or 'bad'.

Feelings are frequently grouped based on the emotions they trigger within us. happiness enjoys a good reputation, whereas anger often receives criticism.

However, emotions aren’t inherently positive or negative; they’re simply pieces of information. The insights they offer can be helpful and practical. Sadness signals that we have something to grieve over. Fear warns us about potential threats. Excitement encourages us to rejoice. Constructive guilt helps prevent mistreating others.

Notice your feelings with mindfulness. Below are two phrases to lead you: 1. Pay attention to what you're feeling. 2. Be aware of your emotional state.

I have no judgments about my current feelings. . "
Oh, here comes that sensation once more. I'm aware it'll fade away. . "

Parents are less likely to judge their kids' emotions when they don't judge their own.

4. They practice self-reflection

As an emotion-centric psychologist, my understanding is that our feelings are influenced by the current moment yet molded by history.

The way our parents handled our emotions plays a vital role. When our discomfort was consistently ignored or met with shame, we learn to steer clear of specific feelings—typically anger, sadness, or fear—or to criticize ourselves for having them.

If you find certain emotions challenging, self-reflection might assist you in understanding the reasons behind them. Consider asking yourself:

How did my parents react during my upbringing when I experienced these feelings?
How can I approach things distinctively with my children?

Raising these queries aids in disrupting harmful family cycles, preventing the recurrence of past errors. Simply being aware of how you want to act differently can make you feel equipped to implement those alterations.

Parents who can think about their feelings help their children learn to do the same. It’s akin to modeling good etiquette. Children pick up habits by observing us. do not merely what we do say .

Dr. Juli Fraga is a licensed psychologist with almost twenty years of experience assisting new parents. She is also one of the co-authors of an upcoming book. "Parents Have Feelings, Too." She conducts educational sessions for expecting parents at the UCSF hospital and oversees psychiatry residents there as well. You can follow her on Instagram. @parentshavefeelingstoo .

Are you looking for a new career that offers better pay, more flexibility, or greater fulfillment? Enroll in their latest online course now. Ways to Switch Careers and Enjoy Your Job More Skilled mentors will guide you in mastering networking techniques, updating your CV, and making a bold move towards your ideal job. Reserve your spot now and apply the promo code EARLYBIRD to receive a 30% discount off $67 (+taxes and fees) until May 13, 2025.